The Seed

Give me the chance to discover new words
And turn new corners to find the person
I’ve wanted to be all along
Let me have the chance to show you what I want
What I believe I need,
To become who I want and to have the life I want

See me in a new light,
Not the black light or shadows,
Not yet in the spot light for I am still growing

Now is the time that I must leave behind these walls
These habits, ideals and fantasies
These frustrations, lies and dead ends
To discover something new
To test my limits and strengths
To test my weakness and freedoms
To realize what I had, and what I truly want

I know it’s hard to let go
To give me the chance to make terrible mistakes
To learn on my own and discover through one of life’s toughest teachers:
Experience
But perhaps this is an experience you need as well
To see all that you’ve done for me
And to realize that as of the present you can do no more

Understand that I’m changing, and change never stops
That I am evolving into something greater and that evolution take time

I need you to accept me and my decisions
But above all I need your trust and belief
For I fear that I don’t have this

The Soil

This crucial foundation that I have now discovered with someone other than you
The foundation in which we build families and lasting healthy relationships
Unlike ours, which has been slowly dying
Flickering back to life in rare moments when I recognize the importance of it to you
And the sadness when I recognize
that we don’t have that kind of relationship

I feel that to leave you would be to abandon you
But I see no hope here,
No signs of salvation, nor do I feel the need to save it
I know you’ve tried and perhaps,
when we’re older,
We can try again

I try to love you unconditionally,
but the best I can do is be concerned for your welfare
I do love you, but I don’t know how

The Sprouting Tree

But you see, I’ve found all our relationship lacked and more
I’ve found what I want and need in another
And they’ve found the same in me
Please know: We love each other
We’ll take care of each other
We will cause no harm to each other

They have proven this to me
And to you if you choose to see it
Though I think you’re afraid to
Afraid to loose me to another and never have me back
But you are family, and I cannot turn my back on that
If I were to turn my back on it, then I would be killing my future family

You cannot turn your back and disregard the past
While looking for the same things in your future
The pattern will just repeat and we’ll find ourselves back at square one
Till we are ready to face ourselves

The Seed to the Soil

I recognize this with myself, but I cannot face myself here
In this environment where so much is dead and dying
You cannot grow a garden if the soil has no nutrients
But given time, some soil is able to regain the nutrients it’s lost
I believe this is possible for us, but I cannot stay here or my fate shall be the same
If I do not escape this now and move to fertile soil, I will die along with my hope of renewing our relationship

So mother I will ask you one more time
Please let me become whoever is inside me waiting to come out
And please let me go, so this person within may have the chance to grow in healthy soil